...there's a war outside my heart and mind...

Oh, hey. Good to see you. It's been a while. Things going good? Great!

A lot has been happening the past month or so here in Texas. A lot of good, a little indifferent, but not too much bad - with the exception of the weather, of course....hello, spring in southeast texas. While I've got you, I guess I'll go ahead and fill you in.

For about two months, I've been having these very vivid dreams where I'm sitting at some of my favorite places with my favorite places in Nashville...Jackson's with Rachel, Fido with Stoltz, Centennial with Jess, etc...and every time it turns into a sort of scene from "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and things start slowly popping out of the picture until suddenly I'm standing in a white room. When I turn around, I face a group of about 5-8 of my juniors - both guys and girls from both Young Life & Youth Group. No one says anything...but they're all looking at me like they're waiting on an answer. And then I wake up. So confused, I pray. Two words that were first heard as a whisper and are now a sure and peaceful reassurance: not yet. I will admit: I was not happy at first. I couldn't believe that He would want me to wait even longer, further putting off my dreams and hopes and loves. I know that He makes all things work together for my good, but I just couldn't see the good in this. But a week went by and I prayed and realized my selfishness "not mine, but your will" ...it's not the seniors, it's not the sophomores. It's just the juniors. They've opened their hearts and let me in. They've allowed me to invest in them and in turn have taught me so much. So, one more year. One more year to stand beside them and cheer them on as they journey into "life as we know it". One more year to spend with my family. One more year to hang out with my best friends. One more year to really taste and see that the Lord is good.

Today, I leave for Dallas. It will be my second time there in two months. It is my best friend's birthday weekend extravaganza. I love traveling. I love getting to spend time with friends that I don't normally get to see. I'm just hoping for good weather.

It's been a long time since I've been really challenged in my faith; learning new things, yes...but challenged, not so much. By some circumstance that I'll never understand, the Lord has plopped a woman into my life who is challenging me to think. To think about my beliefs and why I really believe them. And it is so refreshing. Needless to say, I think I'm gonna be racking up some more southwest points this year.

There's a lot going on inside my mind. And I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do with all of my thoughts. But for now, I know that it is enough.