...feet nailed to the floor...

I've seen so much Law & Order in the past week that I think I could commit the perfect crime AND get away with it.

Okay, maybe not, but I really have seen a lot. Nothing new to some, I suppose, but it definitely has given me so much perspective. I've caught myself more than once wanting to change the channel during the middle part and only watching the ending to see the outcome: the bad guy gets caught...some witty comment from Detective Stabler...justice, truth, answers.

Here's the tie in - my life is far from perfect. There have been some amazing times and I know what I want to do and where I want to be. But the Lord has a different plan. One that I have still yet to understand, and maybe I never will. I catch myself dreaming of what my life should be and waking up the nightmare of knowing I'm not where I want to be. I want to fast forward to my next great adventure. Give up the here and now, not caring who that hurts because, well, my life is about me. Then, I get mad at myself for being so selfish. But should I?

I've let myself be walked over time and time again here. It seems I can't do anything right. I'm not good enough. Yes, these are all lies that I've allowed myself to believe, but regardless, it's how I feel. So much is expected from me, but I have so little to give.

If I close my eyes tight enough, I can feel the breeze and smell the beginning of fall from a little porch swing in East Nashville. I can almost hear the hustle and bustle from a back booth in Fido. Why? Because that's where I left my heart.

I'm in a wedding and I have to look top notch in my dress. 97 days.

The other thing that Law & Order has taught me is that I have a major crush on Stabler.