...open up my eyes to the things unseen...

I had a dream last night that was quite entertaining. SPB showed up and tried to explain the reasoning behind why he hasn't been who he always was to me. I don't remember everything, but it did involve: moving to L.A., being on the set of No Country for Old Men, getting shot at, and recovering from an old flame. My first thought when I woke up was what a waste!

I can feel the Lord pulling me into a new season. Kicking and screaming, of course, but still pressing forward. My eyes have been completely opened up to what I've been blind to for so long. Life is chock full of harsh realities, and last night - while driving to get gelato with my best friend - I found the source of my discouragement...in the most unlikely person, and the last person I would've ever thought it to be.
I almost got into a wreck last night. Through my tears, I begged of God that He would open my eyes to see myself through his eyes. Instantaneously, I had a vision. I walked into my parents' office and approached my mom's desk. I don't believe that I was actually there because no one seemed to see me. A fly on the wall, if you will. She hangs up the phone and rolls her eyes and lets out a grunt, then begins to complain about everything - the person she just got of the phone with, how annoying her co-workers are, etc. Not a moment later, my dad walks in looking chipper. He's carrying my mom's favorite Starbucks drink and sets it down for her with a smile on his face. He's looking at her with so much love, and all she does is look up at him, cutting her eyes, and says where's my change? My dad says there wasn't any...I gave all I had. It was then that he turned and walked away and suddenly I was in front of him and was able to see the look of sheer heartbreak on his face. Everything faded away into dark and I sat there all alone in my car hoping that when I asked God my next question, He wouldn't confirm my fears. Was I becoming my mother? Yes. My dad played the role of our God - our Loving God, our Nurturing God, our Father God - giving everything he had and wanting to give me the desires of my heart, and it wasn't good enough for me. I still wanted my change.
I have been completely broken. I am so far beyond repair and I don't feel worthy of Him or His love. But He still gives it. I don't feel like a Princess, a daughter of the King. But that's who He says I am. I am so tired of running, so tired of having to bandage my hands after trying to pick up the broken pieces that are left of me.
I'm learning to be careful what I wish for. I ask for eyes to see, I get them. It's not the most pleasant thing in life, but I don't believe for a second that life was intended to be perfect.

My heart is healed. I haven't felt so alive in a long, long time.

And just so you know, I pray for you everyday. I pray that God protects you, wherever you are. That He's working in your heart, just as He is in mine, and that He's sculpting you into His perfect image. That you are able to relay the message of His love, His perfect love to everyone who comes in contact with you and is willing to give you a listen. I pray that you get every recognition you deserve and you receive a hundred fold of what you've given. I pray everyday that you are falling in love with Him. And I pray that you are praying for me, too. And I pray that the Lord teaches me to love people the way you do, without any inhibition.

My only problem in all of this is confronting the person who makes me feel the lowest. How do you do that. There should be a manual for that...